I can’t believe how hurt I am actually feeling right now. It’s like a blade just stabbed into my heart, and I am not even using a metaphor. I literally am feeling my heart quenching and churning inside. One of those moments when the emotions are more real than ever, because it is now both an emotional and physical pain. I can’t even breathe now; my body just refuses to function. And I’m feeling sick inside. I think I want to throw up. Never before have I felt this way. The first time. Is this how you are supposed to feel when no more hope is given? The way lovers feel when they are breaking apart? And how am I supposed to pursue Sleep tonight, when it is already elusive over the past few weeks for almost this same reason. This same person.
It’s a question that I must hear an answer for, though the answer is not in my favor and I had known the answer before I heard it. You know, sometimes when you watch a horror movie and you know a scary scene is coming. You cover your eyes almost all the way but still leave enough gap to know what is going on. And when it blasts into your face, you shut your eyes and mind altogether, totally frightened and freaked out. However, after that you are relieved, because the worst part of the film segment is over.
Of course more frights are still ahead in the movie, and even if you know the ending of the movie will be left open, but at least you have stepped one more step now towards The End.
Still, I am both astonished and regretful that I am feeling this emotional and physical pain.
My heart is literally responding to my love life right now. Should I listen to it?