risk it

[Daily PromptTell us about something you’ve done that you would advise a friend never to do.

Don't Wait
Don’t Wait

Don’t wait.

Love comes and goes fast. It does not wait around for very long. So grab it and run.

We all have roadblocks. For first timers, roadblocks are how we could know for sure the other one feels the same, and how we should start all of this adventure in the safest manner possible. Well, we don’t know for sure, and the safest manner is just dive in I guess. Go nuts for it. Go head over heels for it. For veterans, roadblocks are how we would not get hurt again. Well, we just will. Why wishing for a fairy-tale-ish romance if we wish to avoid the pain that will simply go with it anyway? Bitter-sweet is the word. Say it with me: A relationship does not last forever. After all those time floating in a purple glittery paradise of Popsicle, cotton candies and chocolate, we all know something ought to happen. If things fall apart, our condolences, but at least you get quite a good time out of it. Yes it will take a while to heal before we can jump back into the sea, but that’s how we grow and prepare ourselves for the next one down the road, isn’t it? And if things don’t fall apart, that’s happily ever after. Good for you, not only because you have found your lifelong company, but also because you will not spend the rest of your life wondering “Damn it, what if…?”

Over the past 5 years, I have waited too much for 3 girls and watched the day they fell into other’s arms. Among those 3, two were anticipated and I even helped out my bros to get them. The other one was gone unexpectedly before I made up my mind about whether to speak up. Among those 3, I have told one about my feeling, and my intuition tells me that the other two know as well. Admittedly we’ve reached resolution (almost for the third one actually), but it is never complete closure. Whenever I see them, or talk to them, I just can’t help but ask myself what would have turned out differently if I had gone for it, taken the leap of faith, and risked it. That is not to say I still have feelings for the first two. Once again, I’ve reached resolution. But that does not mean complete closure. The door is still open narrowly as some sunshine is let into the room, nurturing the possibility that lurks in the darkness I tell myself to forget. But telling oneself to forget does not mean one will actually forget. And even worse is if after resolution, they still have no idea about your feeling. You spend the rest of this time pushing that feeling down the chaos of butterflies in your stomach, burying it down a shallow grave that could zombify and dig itself out of the filthy mud, and swallowing it down with friendly superfluous words that are deemed for friends who are not going too far alone. Damn it, damn it, living my life as a theatrical product with masks, makeups, pre-written scrips, spotlights, backstage, symbolism, metaphors, melodrama and a velvety red curtain.

Are these friendships too precious not to be risked? Really?

A Sign from the Universe
A Sign from the Universe

So, the bottom line of this really quick note is as follows: Once you know how you feel, go for it. Something I’ve done that I would advise a friend never to do is to wait, to linger, to look out for a universal sign, or just to hesitate. Make that sign from the universe happen yourself. Confirmation bias, if need be. Make it rain. Steal a blue French horn for her. Always be there for her and become a lifelong friend with her.  Watch her grow in music, go to a concert with her to watch her cry in a sad song, care for her even when she’s there for somebody else, and set the stage for her even after you leave high school. Cruising around the city, over bridges and through tunnels at midnight with her, throw a surprise birthday party near the seaside for her, distract her from her ex’s revisit in her life, and make all kinds of promises that you thought would happen for her. Change yourself for her. But I’ve just gone off the topic again.

Anyway, once you know how you feel, go for it. Risk it. Don’t wait.

And the rest will be history.

how will I know?

Thu Nguyen


2 thoughts on “risk it

  1. hope i am your friend, at least, a friend to be advised on “risk it”. but there are times when the risked is not a friendship but a future, then hesitation takes the lead and lures us to the safe way. I was the person who would never regret anything done or chosen, cause i knew once a decision is made, behind it is a stream of thought. Now…
    then the question turns to :”when to risk and when not? “, or better: “whom to listen to?”, cause one will say risk it and some will say, “well, IF you think you are fine, then try”, with a cautious eyebrow.
    I wish that I had read this earlier. Cause I have made a mistake of not believing in myself, simply because no one has ever [ been able to]\ done a similar thing. and when it turned out that I could, easily, it was ” It’s not that i couldn’t, but that I could, but didn’t”.
    then i wish i was mature, enough to know who I am. then, if you ever read this, please tell me: how one can know oneself, and how can we be mature, be confident? Confidence is transient. everyone knows me would say i was very confident, even audacious; but i know, deep inside, i am not.


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